I like my sex mixed with concussions.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
