do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
