Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
