Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
