just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
