I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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