i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
