and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
