I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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