Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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