I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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