I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
