He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
