even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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