im six kinds of drunk right now
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
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why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
What drink are we having for lunch?
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Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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