My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
