I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
