My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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