She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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