I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
