we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
