I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
