Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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