my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She bit a glass in half.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
