What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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