That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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