do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
