A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize