Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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