if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
