well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
