you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
