She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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