She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
