then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
