how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
