New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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