maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
