she looked like the bat from fern gully.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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