just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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