You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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