Can i not drive my cunt home
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
