I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I have tasted many bathrooms
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
