Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Define "chronic" masturbator.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
