you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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