Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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