why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
