i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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