so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
