i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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