Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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