I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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