I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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