You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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