Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
