I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
