My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
