After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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