oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
