guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
