i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
