is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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