i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
