You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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