My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
