the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
i think im in europe. pls send help
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Such a big mess for such a small penis
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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