so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
