So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize