Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
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