I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
