hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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