tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
