Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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