oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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