Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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