I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
