none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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