I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
